Emotions are one of the most significant driving forces in our lives. They are an important part of our experience, and they do more than just make us feel good or bad. Our emotions are there to guide us and ideally should help us make good decisions, but quite often we make unhelpful decisions when our emotions start to take over us.
We are expected to hide our ‘unpleasant’ emotions because it’s not considered polite to express ourselves, which leads to the suppression of emotions.
Suppressing emotions is one of the worst things we can do to our mental health. Most of our emotional issues stem from unprocessed emotions. Our inability to process our emotions positively causes us to behave in negative ways or even get into self-destructive mode. Therefore, knowing how to process your emotions in a healthy way is crucial.
However, before we look into that, it is essential to understand some of the negative ways people express themselves. You most likely have been on the receiving end of these, or you have done this yourself in a moment of weakness.
The point is to NOT judge, just understand.
The Harmful Ways People Often Express Their Emotions
- Anger. How many times have you lashed out at someone else because you were emotional? And how many times have you been on the receiving end of someone else’s wrath? I know, we’ve all been there. This is one of the most common ways people react when they’re experiencing not-so-positive emotions. But does it ever help? No. It may, however, put a strain on your relationships and mental peace.
- Denial. Yet another common path people choose is denying that anything is wrong. Ignoring what is happening around us never helps. Unless we acknowledge that something is wrong, we will never make efforts to solve our issues. This way,we will always be stuck in a loop where our life never changes.
- Bullying. Threatening and ridiculing others is a common way people express their negative emotions. Bullying gives a sense of control and power. So, choosing to bully is a shortcut to feeling good about themselves. But, as we all know, it isn’t helpful to anyone and doesn’t help solve the issue.
- Self-harm. Many people harm themselves by various means, like cutting, burning, and punching hard things, like punching a wall. By inflicting non-suicidal injuries, many people attempt to release the painful emotions they’re feeling. It is a way to punish themselves and release their anger.
- Substance abuse. Most people who heavily abuse substances have deep, unprocessed emotional issues that become a motivator for them to start and then continue abusing substances. From tobacco to alcohol to hard drugs— all come under this section.
As you can see, none of these behaviour ever help solve the deeper issues one may have, but they do add to further problems.
Therefore, finding ways that actually help you confront your deeper issues is extremely important if you want to handle difficult emotions during challenging times in a healthy way.
How To Process Your Emotions In A Healthy Way
When our emotions take control, we often make decisions that are not in accordance with our true selves.
I’m not saying emotions are bad. Emotions play an important role, but it’s essential that you don’t let emotions control your life. Rather, you should try to be someone who can see the truth even when you’re drowning in an emotional storm within.
While I’m just an equally flawed human being, here are a few practices that help me better deal with my emotions.
1. Add a pause.
I started adding a pause when under attack or emotionally triggered when I realised that an emotional outburst from my side only made me feel worse later on. Screaming and behaving not-so-politely only made me feel bad. My actions made me feel worse than what someone else was saying or doing.
I also noticed I was making rash decisions when under the influence of deep emotions.
Emotions are a very powerful thing, and they can overpower your logical mind very easily.
But the thing is, emotional outbursts don’t last long. Once we calm down, we can see all the things we could’ve avoided that made things worse for us.
And this is where adding a pause helps.
When you are emotionally triggered, just pause for a moment. If counting helps, count from 1 to 10. Either way, this will allow you some time to calm your mind down and analyze what’s going on and what’s been said. Then, calmly respond, only if needed.
Adding a pause prevents unnecessary conflicts and poor decision-making, and helps be more peaceful in any situation.
2. Don’t judge your emotions or yourself.
Not judging yourself or the emotions you are feeling is extremely important.
Why?
Because you don’t want to associate negative emotions with being emotional. This will make you feel like you are being a “bad human” or “a selfish human” for however you are feeling and experiencing.
We don’t want to do this.
Being emotional is not bad. Being in difficult situations and not understanding the best way to deal with them is totally normal as well. We all go through phases in our lives where we are totally clueless.
What’s not okay is putting a label of “bad” on any emotions. Doing this only promotes the feeling of guilt and shame, which will further complicate things for you.
Remember that emotions play an important role in our lives. They tell you something; they have a purpose. If you feel bad about something, try to investigate why you feel that way. If you put a label of “wrong” on feeling sad, you will never be able to get to the bottom of your issues.
So don’t judge yourself and your emotions.
Don’t try to suppress your emotions because they are “bad”. Use them instead as a guide. If you learn to understand your emotions, they will guide you to healing and self-empowerment. But for this to happen, you’ll have to face your emotions head-on.
3. Analyze your emotions; Self-Introspect.
The next thing is to analyze what your pain points are.
We usually have some trigger points that act as the initiator of a whirlwind of emotions within us. Often, others choose to target those when they want to hurt us, as they know it will have the maximum effect on us. And not only that, we also tend to judge ourselves based on those incidents in our lives. I am bad because I did so and so 10 years ago.
Yes, some mistakes are far less easily forgivable, but you can always work on yourself to be better today. And so, it’s essential to analyze your pain points and understand why certain things evoke such a strong emotional response within you.
Also, quite often it’s actually other people’s beliefs about us that make us feel bad about ourselves, rather than our own beliefs.
To develop emotional stability, it's crucial to have insight into what's going on within you. Without analyzing that, you can never figure out what makes you emotionally labile.
Ask yourself:
1. What are the things that trigger an emotional response in you?
2. Why do those things trigger you so strongly?
When you start asking these questions, many deep, unhealed emotional wounds from various stages of life will surface. It can get overwhelming, but the key is to detach yourself from the event that happened once upon a time and look at it from a distance, as a third-party viewer. Additionally, what helps is analyzing some of the good things that came out of it.
For example, if you were bullied in your childhood, that could be a trigger for you. But that also likely made you an empathetic person, or maybe someone who now knows how to take a stand for yourself.
It's not easy, and it may take some time to figure it out, but it can be done with a little persistence.
If things get a little bit too triggering, just remember that nothing from the past can hurt you in the present or in the future. You are safe now. And while those emotions can take you over at any moment, you can heal yourself. What you have to do is sit with the feeling, analyze it a little, and try to make peace with it.
It's not easy to face old, unhealed wounds. It will take time, but you can do it.
4. Journal it out
Our deepest emotional wounds are not something we share with everyone.
My personal belief is that it shouldn't be shared with everyone.
People can take advantage of it, ridicule, or simply not understand why something seemingly small affects someone so much.
I also don't believe you need to run to a professional for every little thing. You must understand your emotions, patterns, and triggers. Yes, a professional will help you with it, but practically, you can't really visit a professional for everything that happens in your life.
This is where journaling can help.
Sometimes, especially when you don't have someone reliable to share your deep thoughts with, or when your thoughts become overwhelming, writing them down really helps.
Journaling has helped me a lot. When I journal and turn my thoughts into words, I calm down because I’m able to:
- realize that whatever is bothering me is not something that I can't deal with, and the solutions start popping up,
- See how senseless my fears are,
- See how unreasonable I'm being, especially whenever I'm spiraling down,
- segregate different thoughts, which allows me to LOOK at different concerns or fears, and therefore enables me to take the necessary steps to deal with them.
Once you start writing things down, you'll know how to make use of it. You'll develop your own style.
Use your dominant thoughts and emotions as prompts for the day.
5. Meditate for a bit.
Meditation doesn't necessarily mean sitting in a cross-legged position and chanting, or something like that. By meditation, I simply mean doing something that really calms you down. It can be a hobby, cleaning or doing chores, or it can be meditation in a traditional sense. Whatever works for you! It has to be personalized.
The point is to do something that helps you ground.
A calm mind is essential to make sensible decisions. It will also help you train yourself to be as calm as possible when you are deep in your emotions.
Set a routine practice of your choice that helps you center yourself.
Once you start being in a state of relative calmness, you will be able to connect the dots and see things as they are from a neutral standpoint.
Breathing exercises can help here. Give it some time to get used to it. You can read why it works and how you can get started with it here in this article: Deep Breathing Exercise for Stress and Anxiety.
6. Seek professional help if needed.
It's always good to seek help whenever you feel you are not well-equipped to handle the situation you are in.
Sometimes we need external help, sometimes in the form of people we know or someone professional.
The advantage of seeking help from a professional is that:
- they will be able to help you see the root causes of your emotional triggers and distress,
- They are better equipped with coping tools and strategies,
- They may help you build your self-esteem and help you towards self-acceptance,
- You don't need to worry about sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions with someone you know and being judged by them,
- They may refer you to specialists if required.
So, don't be afraid to seek professional help. Take whatever necessary steps you need to take to help with your healing and personal growth.
So, How To Process Your Emotions In A Healthy Way: Things To Keep In Mind
In order to heal emotional trauma, it's important that you at least make an attempt to understand yourself. It's essential to find your triggers, and then you can investigate in a retrograde manner to process those emotions.
Don't run from your emotions, feel them and let them through you. Suppressing emotions will only land you with more problems. It may lead to anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and other stress-related health issues.
Also, remember that it's a slow process. It's not a "get better in 10 days" kind of thing. Take as much time as you need. Go at a pace you’re comfortable with. Don't take it as a "to-do" list.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you should accept yourself completely-- the good in you and the bad in you as well. Accept where you were wrong as well, where there is room for improvement. We all have scope for improvement, always. The point is not to criticize yourself, but to be a better version of yourself. Doing this will impact how you feel. Accept and give some love to your flaws. Be gentle with yourself.
Eventually, things will get better.
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- Featured image by Image by: Олег Мороз
© Quirky Writes 2025.
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